Tonight was a reminder that everyone had lived crazy lives, and every story is worth telling! 

Also, I'm completely awkward, and I accept this. 

Today was interesting. For a theater college class, we have been going around town to look at various stages. After the first time we met, I saw a girl who I noticed once or twice walking to meet the class. Any guy with values would ask, and even more so, with my superhero complex, I saw myself trying to save the day, trying to make sure she had a ride. The first time, she denied me. The second time, she accepted my offer, and I felt good about myself. I felt like I had saved the day, helped someone be better, provide assistance to someone who needed a knight to come in and provide assistance. What I didn't notice was the fact that I felt after the woman accepted or declined my offer, I shut off my attention.

Let me explain more fully. Even though I was helping this girl get to and from these various theaters, this situation really became about me. I had to ask because it was right to do so, but when the party accepts or declines my offer, I continue on my way because I felt that I was a good person. I set the example. Me. Me. Me. Me. Me.

Each day we drove together, she asked me to stop somewhere for lunch, so she could repay me for my efforts. We went to Chic-Fil-A on the first day and a bakery on the second. I had assumed her gratitude instead of appreciating it. In fact, I acted as though I was still doing her a big favor. Most of the time, she was talking, and I was only slightly listening. She was telling me about herself. She trusted me enough to tell me about her family. My level of conceit and selfishness was unbelievable.

This continued to esculate until today, our last theater location meeting. I picked up the girl and away we went. She talked along the way, and again, I remained selfish and about myself. I was listening only a little bit. After the tour of the theater house, this girl and me walked across the street to a coffee shop. Throughout this conversation, I found myself spacing. She was telling me about all sorts of things, and I responded with 'Cool', or 'that's funny'. I was not really engaged or genuine. The worst part of all was that she didn't notice. Had I become so good at this game that people dont even notice? I was disgusted at me. I was disgusted that I had made something about me. Totally about me.

To my full disappointment, I did not know a thing about her minus a detail here and there. How long had I been playing this game of being the superhero and saving the day and less about actually helping the person? I see a lot of people on a daily basis. How can I make sure my actions are in the moment and I am paying attention to people who talk to me? Most importantly, how to I avoid jumping into a situation to save the day? Can I just allow a problem to not get corrected or to my satisfactory?

I didn't get the job everyone thought I should. Mind. Blown. I'm still trying to fathom how. I have worked harder than any other employee. I, and facilities and my department, are blown away that I didn't get it. I cannot believe I didn't even get a chance. Hurtful. Yes. Especially because I value my work. I wish I knew if there was something I could have done to be better. There's not. Still it frustrates me. My challenge is slowly learning how to move forward. Do I continue working there or should I leave in anger?