Kid saying "dada" for the first time staring at me behind the register. The mom is so excited. He said it she jumps up and down yelling, "Say it again, say it again!" The kid continues to look at me. The people in line behind this customer are all curiously looking. AWKWARD. lol

While I appreciate the health benefits of losing so much weight, I must say that I am a bit taken back at how many girls find me attractive. Honestly, it is a bit distracting. Before, I could do me own thing no problem. Now that I am starting to dress and look how I feel, it freaks me out a bit at how much people are really paying attention. While I am as vulnerable as I am already because of eating the right foods, I really don't welcome the distraction. Still, I appreciate the new challenge. I am constantly worried that I will come off fake though. It could just be a misconception, but in my opinion, most preps are conceited and shallow. I want anyone to feel they can approach me. This is my mind thoughts. Yay for new challenges!

How can  I  advertise that I  will be a great  husband if  I have never experienced marriage? I feel I am a good person; God has used me, and he has really changed me. I am going to be a great father BECAUSE of working with children in different situations...I can attest to that. How am I able to date? I do everything else well (for the most part), but I just am not willing to possibly put someone else through harm in an attempt to see if  I do well or not.

Had I waited until September to travel to Europe, my $7,000 trip would have costed $5,700

It is exciting to know that I am destined for His glory! Today, I admit to you that I am HAPPY. I am excited to be starting this new chapter of my adventure. I am excited to discover that I am more prepared for this than what first believed. I have cut the mass-facebook-attention sucker for about one month, and now I feel that again, I am not constantly in the spotlight. It is a relief to know that again I can be the dork in the background with no pretenses.

Today was my first day of class. Ironically, I was the only boy (if you haven't noticed this common pattern in my life, you frankly just don't know me!). A girl expressed an opinion that I disagreed with, and after she spoke, I proposed a makeshift option. The class agreed with me (I wasn't seeing this as a competition!!), and for the rest of the class, I got THE GLARE. lol, sad day! Today was actually the first classroom class I've taken (once I participated in a hybrid class where students show up for labs).

This week, I also signed up for my new apartment (following plan: WIN!)! I have never been so excited to really enjoy myself....you see, I furniture madness is next! =) I just want to have fun! Goodness, I can't wait. I am already getting in the Christmas music mood, and I am SO EXCITED to decorate for Christmas....for me, the nostalgia will make this work! The complex also has a gas grill in the middle picnic area. SO EXCITED to throw fall parties! =)

Now understanding the intensity of the classes will be tolerable, I want to either pick up Dollar Tree or put in some hours at the Open Door Mission....or both! I am enjoying the last few REALLY nice days of summer/fall, and that will be my next focus.

The Loftus Family is in deep wedding plans. Honestly, I feel a bit shafted for not being included in Erin's wedding. Seriously, everyone else is. Regardless, the day is not about me and whatever Erin is going for, I am going for! I do well at not making my feelings known, and thus, we will party hardy! I have been losing weight for this big event! HOW exciting! The first member of the family is being married off.......gosh! Super excited that I have to wear something nice after the days of dieting.

To finish September off right, I will be going skydiving (hopefully!)! Tony from EVS is going with a dog-loving-church group. ....yeah, pretty far out! Nonetheless, I'm totally in....$60 price! Gosh, I am excited! Depending on how crunched for time, I may see if I could go twice!! =D

Well, this is all the happenings here! Super exciting to see what's next! lol I'll keep you posted!

Desperately Seeking A Heart After You.....

So, summer is closed! Heck to the YES. What a successful summer. I went to Europe for forty days, Oklahoma for youth camp, South Dakota with Danine, Ariella, and Harry; and I went to World's of Fun in Kansas City for a day with a bunch of people. I have more pictures than what I know what to do with, and I am getting ready to dive head-long into studies. I even accomplished losing thirty lbs. Fall priorities....GO! haha, let's see what is ahead.....

Well, from the healthy eating aspect, I really want to continue down this lifestyle choice. I no longer crave yeast ...or sugar for that matter! Things could always go south, but I am confident I enjoy becoming the nutrition nut that is slowly starting to form to at least keep me entertained for awhile. This isn't to say that I am going to forsake all....some people take things way too far!! I will, however, enjoy life while eating right as long as the topic continues to interest me.

Education standpoint. It has been a half a year since I participated in any type of class. I am ready to continue on the school bandwagon. Two plans are being established....Plan A will include the specifics IF I obtain a passing score on the last PPST test I took (175 or better), and Plan B will move into specifics if I do not get a quality score. Surprisingly, I passed the reading comprehension test with a 178; I scored a 179 on the mathematics exam. The grammar test, which includes an essay, is still being graded, and I will know those results by Thursday. If I am required to retake my PPST grammar test, I really will not be bummed! My focus on this project was to pass the reading comprehension with an acceptable score. Thankfully, this was achieved!

Plan A.
Say goodbye to AWESOME Jay, Danine, and Ariella....move into new complex. Spend money to obtain a quality complex with both a clean neighborhood and close to the places I need to travel. This would ideally be next to both Children's AND the UNO. I would purchase another scooter and get around (hopefully saving hundreds!!)on very little gas. I would purchase quality furniture and really spruff up my place. Megan's apartment complex would also be considered in this although she doesn't live real close to work and school. Why? For the cost of a one bedroom there, I would get a washer and a dryer already in the apartment. This also has a grilling area in the middle of the parking area where I would LOVE to throw parties on! =) A small dog may even be considered. (one that doesn't shed!!)

Plan B.
This will also include moving out of the Guerrero household (harder than what it appears!). This plan will most definitely include moving into Megan's apartment complex and enjoying new furniture and even perhaps a scooter. These items AND my college will be paid off within a reasonable time frame. I may consider cooking classes.....don't get me wrong, I am not seeking to be Chef Piere, BUT I do want to offer a confident selection when I cook for both myself and others.


I have really been able to rest and regather my thoughts while at the Guerrero household. The burden of being a "perfect adult" was shielded by the Guerrero's, and I was able to rest and regather my strength prior to heading back out. They have waited long enough for me to actually BE ready to face life's challenges again.

I have felt so free being off Facebook. I feel I am more legitimate when I see people; although, I do miss them. ....but by "miss them", I mean, I miss being in their business.....not cool!

I am nervous! Am I ready to open my life up to another person??? Am I ready to apply time to building another human being up so much that she could leave me and exceed at having a better life? Will this distract me from God’s work? These are all interesting though thought provoking questions. I worry that dating will distract me from my studies, BUT, at the same time, I believe I purposely make myself busy so I will have no time. To step out of my bubble and give this option a try will be me conquering a whole new fear. I will have to have a cheer squad waiting for me after the first or second date because I WILL need to talk about my time. So many thoughts are on the back burner….my mom said she was never supposed to get married. Perhaps I am also not? What if she leads me down roads that are not of God?

I guess I realize the biggest change/necessary pruning that will occur will be filtering through my current life and leaving behind things and people that I have been holding onto tightly because of anxiety of this very thing. It will be a good thing. God has changes for me that have to occur, so I can see what his plan for me includes next. Haha, oh, moving on in the chapter book is SO hard!

Haha, I feel that I have built up everything and everyone as best as possible in this stage. I have gone above and beyond, and I know others will use what they were given to pass down to the next generation. It is bittersweet…..the life I planned for and fought for I achieved, and now it’s about moving on to the next thing.

This next thing is completely different from what I am used to. It is a new refining process. Being concerned about another person is so difficult; what does living the ultimate life look like in this stage? This chapter become two sections. Goodness, when my focus becomes the joyous life I can have with my wife and our options. …………wow; the possibilities and dreams are coming. This is going to be fun. Lol Let’s go into this with strength! Let’s go into this with courage. With hope. That no matter WHAT happens, this will be for the better. The big picture of what our lives will celebrate, enjoy, and believe will continue to outweigh life’s obstacles. Those obstacles will be the very things that make us even better people. Let’s show Christ’s love in this and learn from it even in deeper depths when we overcome sin and distractions. Goodness, what a life God has planned in this.

PPST Testing....

I cannot TELL YOU how frustrating it is to study SO hard at something yet fail to accomplish it. I am taking the PPST on Thursday, and I just cannot exceed the reading comprehension standard. On SO many questions, the answers could go either way. I get repreminded if I select an implied answer, yet I get the question wrong if I don't consider anything suggested while making my choice. It is disappointing.....and discouraging. I am not doing terribly; I am averaging 60% and passing is 75%. That really is what is so saddening! I am so close yet so far away. What's more? It seems that the more I study and apply effort, the lower my score results. This is heart breaking....now, with that vent, back to the books! =)

Could I just go off for a moment? Thanks!! I am tired, tired of the way many people see culture. Yes, guys like girls, but do the extras have to be included? As humans, cheating by not having flaws in our culture would be bland and unchallenging; remember, life is about overcoming challenges, so yes, cultural flaws are a part of the process of world and should be accepted. 

Fact: guys absolutely do NOT want high maintenance women....yes, your hair might perfect, but the way you prepare just is not practical. Guys want women that don't mind getting wet or muddy on occasion. We want REAL. We want PRACTICAL. Honestly, in a world where girls are constantly comparing themselves with others, I don't see how they can get the time to have a quality relationship with somebody. Guys want pretty, but not at the cost of mascara anxieties.

#2 Ladies, hear me clear, GUYS. MAKE. MISTAKES. in fact, it should be what you find attractive about them.  Make your man feel comfortable. If you can accomplish this task, uour man will be instoppable. You will see him for who he is, and he will overtake you with passion because he WANTS to ravish you with love. When guys make mistakes, uplift them  and respect them. A man knowing that he is not in his worst mistake alone will give himself the confidence to move mountains.

Nobody is perfect, but if you are constantly worrying about your appearance, guys will feel insecure about not keeping to the same standard. Relationships are not about looks; they are about HEARTS. Don't let society take you with their lies. Be the person you are 100%

#3 It bugs me beyond end when I see guys or girls look away after a person of the opposite sex gives them a smile. Rude. Remember that your civil right to respect others can be accomplished without dating them. A smile is just a smile. A friendly hello is just a friendly hello. Too often I find individuals glaring at others because they immediately jump to a possible dating prospect. Get over yourselves and return the gesture.

#4 Always be ready to talk to the other person; this is key number 1 to successful communication skills in marriage, the heartbeat of a successful marriage. Yelling at others without giving them a chance to speak is destructive and not Gods best. We were made to push out struggles together, but if one party simply gives up, the heartbeat will quit. 



#5 Ladies, have the confidence to know that you are beautiful. Guys enjoy you because of the way you see yourselves....promise! I have seen SO MANY normal appearing people score hugely attractive husbands/wives BECAUSE of the way they see themselves; they have the confidence to accept who they are as people and as potential world changers. Please don't ruin this beauty by spending hours in the restroom or by talking about your skin on the date. Understand, your confidence is there. Go out and learn about others!

I'm struggling to find myself worthy of this -biggest loser These last couple of days I keep fighting it....I keep fighting the growth that I need because it's too hard. ...and when it get's too hard, I'm used to running. ...and I want to run, SO bad. I've never done anything for myself. I'm just letting my walls down....letting my walls down, letting it work....letting myself grow. instead of running away through it, you run into it. and let it beat me down, so I can come out....a better man. -Biggest Loser Deal with your problems proactively. Get on the treadmill. -Biggest Loser The more you try to control something; the more it's going to be out of your control. -Biggest Loser

We are in a strange predictiment when it comes to dating. Girls believe if they hold off long enough, Mr. Right will come prancing through that door. All of the guys in between are there to mislead. The other category of ladies will date any gu that has two legs, and while although many girls are jealous that these type of girls have boyfriends prior to them, there is no incentive to these relationships lasting because 99% of these too quickly committng relationships die. Where is the line? What is the balance line in parenting??

It is only after I stop to think about situations or people when I realize many times my actual feelings are being masked by quick decisions. I feel a churning in my stomach many times telling me that there are greater, deeper feelings not being vocalized because I feel I should have a quick answer on everything. I have no doubt this strategy has ransomed my true emotions in many situations, and therefore, I must focus on recapturing my impressions. The focus for this month will be to be slower to speak and allow more time for processing prior to suggestions, replies, and display of weighted values.

There comes a time in God's purification where your motivations for doing things begin to change. Some choices become less about what you can get out of a certain situations or from talking to certain certain people a d it becomes more about living your life sacrificially for Him. Your only goal in life is to Him more. Think of it like a box with many wires connected to it. You grow to where the current reasons for them wires being in the places are no longer desired. You place these extensions in different places; you no longer have to have things arranged so as to live up to a standard and/or live in a fear. Now, it is a knowing.....an assurance of who you belong to in Christ Jesus. God doesn't want you live in fear. He wants you to find strength in Him during difficult times. 

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