'Being alive means being in a body-a body separated from all other bodies. And being separated means being alone. This is true of every creature, and it is more true of man than of any other creature. He is not only alone; he also knows that he is alone...This aloneness he cannot endure. Neither can he escape it. It is his destiny to be alone and to be aware of it. Not even God can take this destiny away from him.' -The Eternal Now by Paul Tillich

Each, however, was still alone in a profound sense-in a separate body, alone before God, bearing His image, answeriung to Him, responsible. This aloneness was a good thing, for everything in the Garden was perfect. -Loneliness by Elizabeth Elliot

Satan even briefly considers whether he could be forgiven if he repented. But Hell follows him wherever he goes—Satan is actually the embodiment of Hell. If he asks the Father for forgiveness, he knows it would be a false confession; he reasons that if he returned to Heaven, he still could not bear to bow down.  -Sparks Notes for Paradise Lost-Book Four


Imaginary Audience-feel the whole world is watching you constantly -happens during jr. high years till junior year of high school. 

Relationships: Trust------> Initiative-------->Interest

Emily kier ekier@unomaha.edu

Amanda knight alknight@unomaha.edu

Nicky Petersen
Nicolepetersen@unomaha.edu

Derek iverson
Diverson@unomaha.edu
Small Kleenex

Initiating experimenting; intensifying integrating bonding differenting; circumscribinf;stagnating; avoiding terminating

Chuck eye and ribeye good

Blade steak best

Sirloin and chuck should be ground up round steak

New York strip is good ribeye best

Prime rib
Ribeye
New York
Chuck
Blade
Top sirloin

Top sirloin is better than sirloin

Turn grill on high,let previous food burn off; scrub wire grill brush

165 degrees chicken done

Any flavor BBQ, Worcestershire sauce, hot sauce, mustard, beer, pickles

Brush and bowl for painting on oils

BBQ, pickle juice, mustard, worcestershire sauce, hot sauce on top of each other in bowl, add 3 cloves garlic, add one shot of beer,famous Dave's sauce, pepper, whisk

Horseradish optional ,

Meat can get up to room temperature and be fine; frozen also works

Potatoes in tin foil in high in grill 1/2 hour turn them then another half hour

Put directly on grill don't use tin foil top rack; three minutes turn steaks.

For small batch you can dip meat in; for big marinades, don't dip meat in...it contaminates it. Cost the meat.

Sweet potatoes better for you only cook 1/2 hour

For fries, olive oil and butter cut fries, lay them down; pepper salt cayenne pepper,

Mom marinated steak bottom shelf wait

Marinated steaks switch to lower rack, brush One soft shell
Mexican pizza
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WiFi:
u: ECJJ402
p: 1006n127cir

My love/hate relationship wig the grocery store. Look at another persons items and base your critique of health choices on his. Pray to god you don't get by a health but. Cashier tiny packets. Sale days war zoneNehemiah prayer lord Healy hands and strengthen my hands When I feel like I'm suffocating with people staring at me I distance myself by stepping back and organizing.
Weather holidays plants animals temperature

Twinholly1@yahoo.com

Saraheinman@yahoo.com

2200
227
1200
3500
The Lord wants to walk with me as I see myself age, but my soul is reluctant. Part of me doesn't see why God would use an aging man, and part of me is afraid of being alone. I only want to find somebody who is a fit for me, not a forced mold. If there is no one or there is, I want to keep focused on what's next. I feel i won't give my whole heart to God because I want to play a victim mentality, feel lonely and feel sorry for myself for aging. Truth. He has told me He is not finished with me, even in my dying days, but I have to accept that and choose to walk with Him. I must embrace what he has for me in my older ages.

"Be brave enough to be willing to accept that God has plans for you as you age."

God has plans for me as I age

Giving your loneliness or anticipated loneliness to Jesus
Be sensitive to detail, but also lower your judgemental level about mistakes

When I get tired, I tend to tell people what I do in EVERY instance. This is wrong.

Wise sir, do not grieve. It is always better to avenge dear ones than to indulge in mourning. -Beowulf

Endure your troubles today. Bear up and be the man I expect you to be. -Beowulf

You are strong in body and mature in mind, impressive in speech. If it should come to pass that hrethel's descendant dies beneath a spear, if deadly battle or the sword blade or disease fells the prince who guards your people and you are still alive, then I firmly believe the seafaring Geats a man worthier of acclaim ad their king and defender than you, if only you would undertake the lordship of your homeland. My liking for you deepens with time, dear Beowulf.

Gez, it's like I have been wearing my emotions on my sleeve lately! Everyone around me is getting serious with people, and I continue to remain 'me'. This is ok, but I slip into moments of loneliness and sadness  The problem is that others notice this! NOT OKAY. This is not the best that God has for me, and I must continue to think on the things that are good. Until next time, pray that I have the strength to do this life alone!

My identity is not based upon my successes, the things I own, or the people I know.

It annoys me when I think I can eat whatever I want after I help people get out of situations. It totally wrecks my healthy-eating plan! Also, when I am dehydrated, I eat! DRINK WATER!!!

I also eat to stay awake. Keep thus in mind when I am tired, bring protein crunchy snacks!!

A discipleship program needs to be created on working with the experienced and mature in faith. I see great leaders, leaders that are known by word of mouth, even simple leaders that don't have to worry about the spotlight all fail on 'working with the believer where he is at'. Now, while this usually applies to guest speakers passing through, don't think you're off the hook. Both groups are guilty of trying to see the overall picture and missing the individuals looking right at them; these people need guidance, but you prepare for how you will look and how you will seem. You go where God wants you to through self sacrifice. Pay attention to these individuals, ESPECIALLY the ones that annoy you. Giving up our old, fleshly bodies will allow us to become part of the new creation God wants us to be collectively.

No matter how big you get, you can always get small. It is NOT about you...remember that! You should be as true to a random person on the street as you are to your closest confidant. Don't allow Satan to make you feel like you have to act to anyone. You are who you are because God created you, and you did nothing to go where you are going. God won. God saved the day. Put the pressure on Him, not on your speaking performances. Trust that God will use you, and move ON. You do not have a 'magic switch' you can turn on. You are either being who you are and allowing yourself to be transformed on and off the stage, or you are being phony while your people need real.


Yes, we all go after the nonbeliever because we desire to show him the Light, but remember that individuals in the faith are so important too! Be yourself wherever you go, even when you mess up, and always make time for the single person, no matter how showy and impressive your plate gets. Let's continue showing people the people the true heart of laying our old natures down and taking up Hos cross. You will notice, the more you give up, the more your life will be seen by others. It's like being a fully-open book and everyone is reading about your failures and successes. Many shallow people will fall away because they do not yet know how to love at a level when someone has shown you his all, but you are not after them; you are after the heart of God, for it is in this state where He will deepen your heart, move your heart strings around, and change you to what's you were created to become.

Be honest about that to both yourself and your listeners! Good luck!!

Every time I try to plug into abide, I commit to something and suddenly, things come out of nowhere or suddenly remembered. This has happened about four times, and I am starting to think timing is off regarding my involvement. The time must not be yet.

Time lessens all extremes, and reduces 'em to mediums and unconcern -Royal Slave

Boundaries: between the people I love and the people others love; between my decisions to love and spend time with people I want to pursue; to sleep and be private in my room doing whatever instead of being around company; to decide to end anything I put time into whenever I want to; to try my best in things I enjoy without my friends' approval; to be myself without their approval; to uphold my values despite how others cherish them

In other news, I have finally discovered my criteria for relationships. Think upside down triangle: Tier 1 (largest tier): This is the basis of my relationships...realistic expectations...for instance, when someone needs me to work for them, but I have a game or party or something to be at, I need them to understand that I have a life and respect my 'life happenings'. This is the largest tier because this is the basis of any of my friendships towards developing and getting deeper. If a person is not willing to understand that I am trying and gives me credit and meets me 'where I am', this person is not for me friend/deep relationship. Tier 2: Is the people relational level. If I am invited to a Christmas or Hanukkah party or some holiday that I want to get to know people at, I will totally go provided that tier 1 requirements have been meet, and I am able to meet the host 'where I am'. I will do about anything for anybody, and I will have fun in every instance. Christian friends/Messianic friends/other friends....they all run together, and as long as the first tier is met, I will do WHATEVER to hang with them. I am for Christmas because I am for relational. I am for family gatherings because I am relational. Etc. Tier 3: is the smallest tier because many friends are not compatible enough to go as deep with me .For the rare few that have passed levels one and two, level three is simply, my 'Messianic beliefs'. These are simple. They are important to me, and I follow them when I have met all of the requirements in both tiers one and two. For instance, if something came up on passover, I will do that because that is my obligation. If my friend needs to get together, he comes before any feasts I do. etc. This level is deep and small, but it is not that impressive. I do the commandments because I want to; I honestly cant tell through drama if I am supposed to or not, but Ive done it so many years growing up that it has become part of my culture.

People get to know me, but at different platforms. If they clear all platforms, I consider him/her a close friend. People who are stuck on level 1 ususally dont get much attention because that is who I am on the very basis level, level two gets more attention, but if people are stuck there, they will not see my Messianic side. And of course, because each friendship is different, people are dispersed throughout this diagram. I can safely say that there are only three people that have passed all three levels, and I hold these people dearly.

You're gifted you're unique, don't you see?
The one from above has clearly blessed thee;
It's like you got it, your rolling thin,
Until you wait expectantly to be knocked down again;
When it happens, you are not surprised;
You simply say 'this is life';
But it doesn't have to be your calling, oh I wish you could see;
You were made for so much more than what you can see;
Why do you let them get to you? Clearly they are bitter;
Yet nothing you could think positively about yourself could even have a quarter of impact;
Why do you let those negative people around you have so much power;
You were made for more.

Don't define your standards to what others see;
Because they see only where you are now and some of their faults in thee;
Set a goal to achieve and become, something you don't even fully grasp yet!

You were made for so much more!
Don't succumb to the world's standards, simply because you KNOW you are made for more;
Fight for that piece of you, that part of you you don't quite yet see!
Let NO ONE take your mantle;

Child of God, I wish you could just see,
How much you really mean to me!
I don't care about what you have done in the past, but come let me change you to reshape you to become fully alive.
Goodness, I love you so. Can't you see? I have called you to be someone mighty! Let me lead you, DON'T back down;
What I have for you is not for the faint-hearted;
Walk with me, walk with me, and when you mess up, 'say fa le';
Repent and turn back to me;
My plan is to make you come fully alive;
And so, take those mistakes, especially that shame and doubt, and give them to me, for there is so much more to accomplish;
I love you, my child:
Continue to run to me; For I will never leave you or forsake you;
My paths for you are GOOD;
Walk with me.

I see this in you , and I want I see, you fight and fight and become the person you want to be;
I want to root for you when you are down, and beg of you to get up and keep going;
My plan with you is set;
I will cheer you on and give you the promises we are all given ;
Keep your eyes on the prize; I am rooting for you;
And when you mess up (we all do), just remember, I am and always will be rooting for you!!

When I feel like I'm suffocating with people staring at me I distance myself by stepping back and organizing.

Be sensitive to detail, but also lower your judgemental level about mistakes

The Lord wants to walk with me as I see myself age, but my soul is reluctant. Part of me doesn't see why God would use an aging man, and part of me is afraid of being alone. I only want to find somebody who is a fit for me, not a forced mold. If there is no one or there is, I want to keep focused on what's next. I feel i won't give my whole heart to God because I want to play a victim mentality, feel lonely and feel sorry for myself for aging. Truth. He has told me He is not finished with me, even in my dying days, but I have to accept that and choose to walk with Him. I must embrace what he has for me in my older ages.

"Be brave enough to be willing to accept that God has plans for you as you age."

God has plans for me as I age

Giving your loneliness or anticipated loneliness to Jesus

I am for the lightly traveled,

The path most people are too scared to attempt,

Where nature still has not been industrialized, and society has not fully caught on to its value yet;

I am for the sense of adventure that forces me to wonder 'what's next'?

What else can I pack into my day;

And when the ignorant sitting on the side of each journey, waiting for me to fail,

I will say, 'come and watch me be victorious'! 

To the path  lightly traveled, I will say, I don't care if one or a million people eventually see your value', 

Press on,

Press on.

I always want to be able to find you.

Do not leave me in my old age. 

If calamity or people not fully alive in emotions and spirit, begin to ruin the steps lightly traveled, this is my signal to walk up ahead;

I will always find you in the midnight hour.  

Always find me because 

My heart beats passionately after you. 

My heart always will;

Just as the ocean sea waves come together, I will give you the desires of your heart;

Come into me as I run into you;

Come seek the path that I've already sought;

Come journey with me into the great unknown;

My love for you is passionate, ; sustained, unwilling;

Come into the place where I invite you;

No, your path isn't done. 

There is so much more I want to accomplish;

Listen to me in the darkest of times,

There is a plan in my midst.

I run to you, you run to me,

Let's est together the fish we have caught;

My love for you is passionate; seeking; unwilling to caver. Follow me as I walk with you

(there is so much love and favor we need to discuss)

My love for you grows deep:

Don't let the light of day be your guide;

Out love grows much deeper than that;

Our love is as vast as the sea;

You run to me, and I run to you;

What do we have here a brand new shoe, we can't have one, we must have two:

They are special for dancing and marching in too. 

My love for you is deep; my love for you is wide; come with me inui the secret place

Notice that those who follow God have new lives...not repaired lives, NEW lives.

Identity. The Lord has been working with me lately regarding identity. I'm learning that many negative things I do/my family has done for years, there is another choice. Although on many things, I am blazing my own trail because nobody close to me has even considered the possibility of this or that. As I create this Identity, totally apart from my family, I feel a new approach being created. Yay for the opportunity to change!!!

The Road Lightly Traveled...

I am for the lightly traveled,
The path most people are too scared to attempt,
Where nature still has not been industrialized, and society has not fully caught on to its value yet;
I am for the sense of adventure that forces me to wonder 'what's next'?
What else can I pack into my day;
And when the ignorant sitting on the side of each journey, waiting for me to fail,
I will say, 'come and watch me be victorious'! 
To the path lightly traveled, I will say, I don't care if one or a million people eventually see your value', 
Press on,
Press on.

I wish I could paint this photo as clearly as I see it. This year was an excellent environment. Definitely the best-knit atmosphere for many years. The staff all coming together so late in the winter season was the first dog that this summer was going to be epic. Bahaha, and epic I was! I feel that I was able to keep my focus, energy, and motivation to change throughout the season. This last week has been a hard week to focus though because of the pressure of all of the first-year staffers to create the camp environment after camp ends. People were hooking up left and right, and with my current status, keeping focus on children was almost impossible. Things have become better after  wooing out what is going on in small group discussions, but it still hurts me. I may not ever. cross that line. In other news, I have been able to create the intensity with every week Ive attended with the exception of this trying week. The love is here, but focus with the campers in proportion to a single staff member is off. It might be nice to study if anything could be different as apart from other weeks. This will be for another time. I am exhausted. I was worried I was going to step on people's boundaries this summer, and I can say I have, but Jeremiah and Elijah have been SO grateful. It is important to never allow that to deter my focus on remaining humble. I MUST not step out of protocol or human feelings and relations to move forward. The leadership staff have performed well. Jen Yee understands that her job does not put her in the spotlight. Than understanding, I believe, has really allowed respect to be universal. She also does a great job at doing to worst jobs with the best jobs. Truly, she has done well. Again, how I want to paint this picture. Camp has run efficiently, with focus, and with passion.   

The ultimate goal of a man is to set the spiritual standard within his family. He decides through his personal actions if his family will live strong or weak lives.



Just like there are realms of heaven, there are realms of hell. The devil never creates an idea; he corrupts one.

Is anyone else grossed out at the idea of planing for retirement in your twenties!?! I am gagging a THOUSAND deaths trying to even remotely go there. Goodness, and is this even feasible for average people? I honestly dont know how to approach it with rational. Will it be enough? What is enough?? haha, ohhhhh goodness!

In this period, I must not look left or right. This time is about me dying to my flesh; it is a period of loneliness, but loneliness is necessary to bring me deeper, so I know how deep it goes.

I must try to see people as God sees them. Every interesting person is so loved in His eyes; I should try to reflect that.

Every knee will bow and confess He is God.

Being separate creates narcissism;  being together in community humbles one back to the appropriate place.

Don't be embarrassed by trying to take the Lord's standards when comparing the world's standards with others.

I am failing my faith in items. I get down because they all eventually fail. Put this faith/hope in Jesus; He will never fail.

I do not like people who like to tell everybody about that they did for others. I must remember to not do this myself. Do not do things to get people to notice you. This should happen automatically automatically, for it is the Light doing this.

If an Amish paddy got caught writing on a bathroom stall, what would it be about?

I'm here to tell you, Elvis is alive!!!.short, day, BIG wig clip art

When i get so far out in South Dakota that i begin to see signs for pukwanna, clearly I've gone too far. Lol

The more time you try to find that perfection in people, the more meals you will eat alone. -Pixil Perfect

http://bible.us/Gal6.4.MSG Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don't be impressed with yourself. Don't compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life.

http://bible.us/Gal5.19.MSG It is obvious what kind of life develops out of trying to get your own way all the time: repetitive, loveless, cheap sex; a stinking accumulation of mental and emotional garbage; frenzied and joyless grabs for happiness; trinket gods; magic-show religion; paranoid loneliness; cutthroat competition; all-consuming-yet-never-satisfied wants; a brutal temper; an impotence to love or be loved; divided homes and divided lives; small-minded and lopsided pursuits; the vicious habit of depersonalizing everyone into a rival; uncontrolled and uncontrollable addictions; ugly parodies of community. I could go on. This isn't the first time I have warned you, you know. If you use your freedom this way, you will not inherit God's kingdom.

http://bible.us/Gal3.11.MSG The person who lives in right relationship with God does it by embracing what God arranges for him. Doing things for God is the opposite of entering into what God does for you. Habakkuk had it right: "The person who believes God, is set right by God—and that's the real life." Rule-keeping does not naturally evolve into living by faith, but only perpetuates itself in more and more rule-keeping, a fact observed in Scripture: "The one who does these things [rule-keeping] continues to live by them."

For if any kind of rule-keeping had power to create life in us, we would certainly have gotten it by this time.

http://bible.us/Gal3.7.MSG Is it not obvious to you that persons who put their trust in Christ (not persons who put their trust in the law!) are like Abraham: children of faith?

Goodness, going to the barber is hard enough to pay money. I can't even IMAGINE coming in when you are almost bald. Learn to cut that baby at home!!

I believe the true Christians have nothing to hide. Yes, we all have privacy concerns, but taking up the cross is giving others permission to invade your life trying to judge you. Anybody should be able to come up to you and address a concern or ask a question. You can answer it with what you want, but a true Christian will not be found faulty. By choosing Christ, we are allowing others into our lives. We are allowing people to question, Christian or not. Using these standards along with the Bible, personal conviction, and the Holy Spirit leading you, we should be striving to uphold a higher standard. When sin is brought into the open, and the guilty gets angry that the sin is found out, this is a first sign that he/she is putting on a face for others. Back away. Do not give into that trap.

AWESOME DAD QUOTE: 


Dylan Mee: Where are you putting this?
Benjamin Mee: I don't know. I was thinking maybe, everywhere.
[Dylan laughs]
Dylan Mee: I'm your fan, man. Don't you know that by now? 

-We Bought A Zoo


You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it. 


-We Bought A Zoo

So here is my conundrum....I love a girl. Simple enough, right? This girl loves someone else. Ok, I can go with that. This girl had led many people I know on, and yet I still fell in love with her. Ok, stupid, but ok. Now, she is inviting me to the wedding, and I am thinking about going. OMGosh what are you doing?!!? Yeah, I, yes, I allowed myself to be vulnerable. Great job...go me! Where I dropped the baton though is that I fell in love with the same girl everybody else did also. FAIL. Ugh, now I know I MUST break this emotional attachment. I really saw us having a gay-ole' time too! lol, wellllll, so much for that fantasy! With dropping this branch that is attached to the tree, I must back far behind. Honestly, I will need to do something to do during the wedding time. (It's in another state, but none the less....haha, thankfully, I can safeguard myself from running into the ceremony and telling the Reverend to 'Stop Everything'.) I have allowed myself a few pity party days in the past; there comes a point where I need to stop because I am building a bank account of pity. Still.....boy did I get giddy and joyful with this dream.

Here are the choices decided in this stanza:

1. Wedding invite: Send a blender
2. Wedding Day: I'll be at work, but maybe I can watch movies with a friend or something. SOMETHING to
                          do something other than moping around.
3. Limited time for moping this time around. Yes, I may mope, but seriously, it is not the end of the world.

http://bible.us/1Cor6.12.MSG God honored the Master's body by raising it from the grave. He'll treat yours with the same resurrection power. Until that time, remember that your bodies are created with the same dignity as the Master's body. You wouldn't take the Master's body off to a whorehouse, would you? I should hope not.

http://bible.us/1Cor6.12.MSG Just because something is technically legal doesn't mean that it's spiritually appropriate. If I went around doing whatever I thought I could get by with, I'd be a slave to my whims.

http://bible.us/1Cor7.17.MSG And don't be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God's place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there. God, not your marital status, defines your life. Don't think I'm being harder on you than on the others. I give this same counsel in all the churches.

http://bible.us/2Cor7.11.MSG And now, isn't it wonderful all the ways in which this distress has goaded you closer to God? You're more alive, more concerned, more sensitive, more reverent, more human, more passionate, more responsible. Looked at from any angle, you've come out of this with purity of heart.

The family gawking at the lightening storm.

McCook Pavilion with All Stars got Region Five event.... This was pre spring game before it got rained out.

Les just told two old men to grow hemp and boil it to relieve cancer stress. There are many reasons to why I appreciate this man. 

there is something to say about apartment tenants as opposed to  neighbors in a housing area.. its like camaraderie is formed because you take trash to the same place. Lol

i am going with Les to Missouri to look at a scooter in a few hours. if I get it I'm seriously considering boycotting my car for the summer and using either a scooter or a bus except for emergencies.

All old people have a smell to them. I hope my smell is rockin'.

Middle aged people who text for show crack me up. They usually proceed to verbalize the task he has just completed. Often, but not always, this is proceeded with worried looks from the rest of the table to see if he is going to get a tattoo next.

Continual flaws can come from the absence of love.

Everything you say, how you move, the choices you make, OWN. IT. Do not make excuses for the things you do! Own your mess-ups; own your mistakes.

As seen on tv store.

I get tired of things only working out when I put it together. I feel like many of my friends are too much enjoy themselves and back out of commitments forcibly, forgetting Rhett they said they will do. Doesn't matter; this project will go on.

The term  'fun nuggets' scare me.

Kebler Fail.

 So....crashing my normal church pot-luck I just start eating, getting to know people. This girl, who is VERY sweet, is crying her eyes out in a speech. Turns out it was her party to celebrate the success of her recent surgery. I can take 'being solumn', but this girl went ON. I know I sound harsh, but she told everyone the music she was listening to was only the songs that "touched her". She went on about that one time with this lady, or that one thing with that lady until she hit the whole church choir. I kept eating....trying to sound interested....and kept eating. lol It was fun.......lol. But seriously, I am excited for her. I am excited to see what things the girl can now do. She can drive now....woot! And ride roller coasters.....we will test her 'being scared' limits when we travel to World's of Fun next. 

I just understood what the whole thing is regarding praying. When you are praying for things. If you are being Spirit-led, you are praying His heart. You are putting Him into audible words. His desires, His plans, who He is.

I see you. Your pride. You not understanding the love of God....yet. You think you have to do works to be acceptable in His eyes. This will be a hard thing for you to learn. Your heart, Spirit, and soul says something else, but you cannot go there with your mind because these other things weigh you down like a big duck bill looking wood thing. The wood is hollow, and I SO WISH the Lord would allow me to break it off. But it is not my place. You feel His heart moving you. It is something you have hungered for for quite sometime. Still, I dont think you quite understand yet that you will only allow yourself to go so far. Your wooden duck bill gets in the way. Still, Ravish her, Lord. Use her. In her current predicament, see what she is doing for you, and be blessed. Look at the intentions and remove the flesh....if there is still anything left. You must understand that you cannot go where God hasnt led told you to go. If you want to follow the Lord here and do things for Him, then do them under His call. Doing things "for Him" without His leading is your flesh trying to be good. There is no good in you.

There is a higher statue. God's Light is awesome, and it is changing....but you MUST go where He directs you. Don't pay attention to the things that are changing; pay attention to what God is doing in this moment. Many times, He is using you but getting ready to move you into another element. You must be ready to go. Follow Him. Follow who He is. Dont become concerned with the works He does through you. LISTEN to Him and MOVE.

Singing "going postal" by Michael Jackson on the way to the post office. Classic.

Separation. Separation is what I have been missing. I have been combining everyone as one unit. The world. This unit has been too much, and I definitely haven't been able to see God as much as He is present. Because I am sounding like a basketcase, future postings will be shifted to another place, but I want to explain a few elements as I learn/relearn elements that are core to focusing on entirely the Lord.

Still, i'm flabbergasted I missed the trajectory by so far. I'm writing this up as being a 'only Gods timing reveling issue', and moving on. Do not dwell on the past.

Ok, so, prior to this season, I remember crying out to the Lord, "Father, you have shown me great things, but I need someone I can walk with on this path. I desperately need someone that I can share my feelings with, as well as what you have taught me." As time passed, this did not come. I continued to show as much unconditional love as was in me, hoping someone would be able to catch the Light, and the Lord would use these people as someone He would allow me to open to. This did not happen. For me to open up to someone, he/she would have to be in the Lord, focused on receiving direction as much as I was, and it had to be someone who would not just waver because of issues I was going through. Again, this did not come. My love was growing cold. (Maybe this was there, but for some reason, I didnt see it.) Remember, I cant open up to someone who sees only the anointing the Lord has put on me, for for some people, this is the glimpse of God they get, and this canNOT be tainted by my desires.

This void continued to increase, and I attempted to fill it with work/mission work. Yes, these strategies definitely worked, but if an emotion/feeling need does not get filled, you will begin to change....which is what I did.

My love grew cold. My love for people grew cold. As it became less about God and his unconditional love, it became more about my fleshly desires. ...which makes total sense.

When I get supremely busy, my extreme defense mechanism instantly takes all of my stresses and combines them into everything I can think of. Instead of viewing people in love, I began to view them as a combined anxiety the Lord wasnt giving me love for.

The Lord and I made a commitment that we would be together through anything, and he is taking me out and restabilizing me. I have changed who I was in the past. Yes, I still have the head knowledge, but the love knowledge has changed. Only feeling that unconditional love of someone meeting me where I was and allowing me to express that head knowledge and feelings could breathe new air into my soul. It is like an old machine that has died in the 80's being refilled a tiny bit and coming back to life. The journey has again started...

I know that in the past I never felt the Lord's acceptance of me telling others what He has taught me. I wonder if the source of fresh air will go away by His doing. And if it does, how long will I last?

Unconditional love is the base upon what I base my soul and spirit on. This is the facet that I need to be the person God has called me to be. Using this base, I encounter people on a daily basis. I need to see where individuals are, talk with them about things that are important to them, and then once they leave, return to unconditional love. People will come and go, but the unconditional love will always remain.

Note that I did not see any of these shutdown/giving up actions within me until unconditional love was once again shown to me for restabilization.

BQOTN: I don't need to buy maggots for fishing; I'll figure out how to  grow my own. **only after do I realize what that statement implies** =)

A guy stopped to pick me up and take me somewhere. Anywhere I wanted to go. At midnight.with a pack on. Heck yeah for American decency!
Springtime is here. The same welcoming, familiar smells remind me of Europe almost a year ago. Gosh, the feeling of absolute freedom as I explored the cultures of our world. It is a sense of adventure I begin to crave unbeseachingly.

What awesome adventures await me in the future. This hunger (without sounding too cliche) steadily comes on like a sickness. And the craving depends each round it occurs.

Side-swiped. Ten things clicked into place today, and I am still taken back at how it all happened. Normally, I would write this on my more personal blog, but I feel this needs to be shared with my readers as to what the Lord has done; it is just too big.

Sometime, along the way, I have felt rejected. I have trained myself to ignore any personal hurt and focus on the hurting and doing what good I can accomplish. As I have pursued God in the past, I have felt me climb to new heights, and I only began to falter when I did not feel my unconditional love support any longer. Immediately, without realizing it, one falls from a process where one cares only about the Lord to where one desperately looks for that confidence. He will seek out anything to do it, try anything, go with anyone, follow crowds to gain only a heightened-short-lived feeling of this need. Most of the time, in my opinion, it is impossible to accomplish. It becomes you vs. the world.

To fight this and even being willing to change, the unconditional source must first be met. Someone needs to hear the other out in their entirety and THEN choose to spend time with him to accomplish this. Once this individual understands his feelings are acknowledged and someone is willing to understand the burden with him, the conflicted individual gains room to grow, opens himself up to moving with the Lord, etc.

Facebook brings rejection; it is constantly a gauge of people telling other people what they do/do not like. This gauge cannot be what we go by, for we have to go on our own path to follow the Lord.

I have lost it. I have lost my focus. I still care about others in my current state, but I have not been able to love them unconditionally because I was not filling my void of relentless love. I have wondered why my love has grown cold for so many individuals, and now it makes sense, I NEED to feel this assurance in order for me to pour it out. You can only love, support, give hope to the degree you have received this. **new added park**  This is a constant need that needs to be filled. Receive love unconditionally, and watch one change the world.

This is not only a call for understanding; this is a call to meet the needs of others. Something I used to understand that I shockingly forgot is that only unconditional love will allow the lost to feel loved and give them a desire to meet the Lord.

I feel myself regaining strength, and as I begin to slowly desire to go new places with God, I pray that the Lord sends more sources for me to feed from in case my current sources leave or something gets ruined. I find it interesting that many people have shown me this love throughout this time, yet I have not opened up to them. Why?

As I begin this state of change/revivification, I pray that I remain strong enough before I get sent out again.

I can feel that the best is yet to come. 

This is always a deeper level to reach. We must attempt to remain sensitive to higher understandings on topics discussed, and as the Lord reveals, understand that this is not the finished product. We are always a work in progress. If we lose motivation to continue knowing the Lord deeper, it is easy to become arrogant and comfortable where we are.

It is so important to spend time waiting before the Lord. This allows time for you to be changed simply by His hand. Waiting before the Lord teaches you patience. The Lord may choose to teach you about what is going to happen in the future (prophecy), or he may shift around the core threads of who you and bring forth desires for you to suddenly want something else or a new standard. Waiting before the Lord is core to moving forward with God. He wants a relationship with you. One in which you make an actual decision to spend time waiting/meeting Him.

The Lord changes your heart-stringed desires as he continues to reshape and remold you. Just like the Potter is constantly reshaping His clay to make it more pure and larger to take in more water, so shall you also be changed. PRESS into His desires and GIVE your parts of your heart to Him, slowly as He asks for them. Watch as He teaches you a new thing or a deeper outlook on a previously set angle. Watch Him work and be patient as He changes the cards of a puzzle around you to look different, yet Godly. Pour more of you out, so He can pour more of Himself in. Set TIME for this process; this doesnt just come.

Allow yourself to be changed. Trust God enough to let Him change you. It can be hard to let anyone in (yes, including God) to revolutionize your life or even change you in the slightest, but through Godly strength (note, this strength truly is Godly....you must feel it in your Spirit and soul to trust Him) you will become a new creation.


If you want to make a difference in the world or if you want to move forward in ANYTHING, this is the process you must take. There is a plan here, and God is asking you to be part of it. For this to happen though, you must be willing to follow Him anywhere. Follow Him anywhere as in give up all of who you are to Him for Him to shine His glory through you. There is a plan here. Let's wait to see what He has in mind.

So what is He doing in your life? Why dont you see things from a Godly perspective 100% yet? This comes through prayer. God desires to make us 100% feeling individuals. God TRULY wants to wake us up from what we consider living and allow us to "really live". God wants us to feel ALL of our emotions to truly experience life. Life is a gift, and God wants us to enjoy it in His heart.

Goodness, what is God doing in my life next?

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Don't mistake confidence for spiritual intelligence. Confidence is so key to completing works the Lord wants done (HE brings the confidence, but like everything, the flesh needs to be burned out first), but remember that a confident Christian may not still have it together...it could be arrogant confidence (not from God or pushed too soon from the individual because infer is tired of awkwardness), or it could be that one just received this level of strength and is learning hour to deal with it (making decisions too rashly without waiting on the Lord).

Check heart intentions of a confident person, and even if he or she isn't there yet, it is a good indicator to see if her is even in the ball park.

I have seen many guys that immediately become involved in the ministry because manly Christians are in such need, but I wonder what these people would be under different circumstances. #2 Is the need being met by these steps taken, or is the Christian leading culture continuing to take over?

To affect someone spiritually, you must first supply ask of their others needs, so they open up to the God idea.

Tonight I went to a music concert Brandee was in at Ashland high school. I find it humorous after I see am old person that seemed old seven years ago. I was certain these people would have been so far gone by now its not even funny. Wrong! Lol

Denver Nuggets-first NBA game

Ummmm?

Ok, so yesterday, I Dj'ed a Mormon wedding. It went well, and I admit, I used the whole "Mormons work for merit to get a higher ranking in heaven" a bit to my advantage. Prior to leaving, I almost gave out my address to begin a weekly housekeeping service. =) haha, so I noticed something that shook me a bit. Ok, a lot.... Mormons are so confident and relaxed in their environment. I am always impressed with the way they carry themselves. These people know how to cook, knit/sew, entertain company, have a good time doing anything, and handle kids. If you want the honest truth, I SO wish I could learn these confidence-building techniques and replicate them in the Christian church. Seriously, I have never seen so many parents understand the importance of walking their children through complicated/awkward situations....situations they NEED to go through to get used to....one of the biggest confidence-building techniques I know!

The Christian church teaches followers to be humble, and there is no emphasis on children. Sure, there is Sunday school, but after this, it becomes "each family on their own" again. I hope I can find a community where my children will be able to feel this confidence and family-type atmosphere in the Christian movement.

In other news, I went to Christ Community this morning. I noticed how well-polished the late service ran; frankly, I was surprised/enjoyed it. The early services had, in my opinion, always felt as though we were just following a schedule to get through the morning.

The Lord continues to remind me how important it is to be in fellowship with brethren of like faith. Notice the word 'faith' because no one will ever agree 100% doctrinally (not that I can think of a difference right now, it just seems that everyone believes something different). It is a breath of fresh air...KNOWING others are fighting the Jesus fight with the world. A fellowship of brethren allows me to see strengths in others and see how God has taken people farther in things I am weak in. I really wish I could go CCC or somewhere every week. I could do it, but I would be coming in like a zombie, and let's face it, I wouldn't get a thing out of it.

I was taken back when I realized how people that Ive known for a few years now are the exact same as I remembered last. This is refreshing because frankly, the first time, I thought people were all putting on a show. How refreshing to know that it isnt an act. I realized that my upbringing has affected the lens I use. Meeting people that genuinely care about others is a good feeling. Most of the girls that I remember being "on the prowl" for a man have solidified, and they are now more confident in who they are/in who they are in God. What a good feeling to see that it was "the age" thing for all of the people my age the last time I was there.

It happens all the time. I see women that could be so much more. I heart seriously bleeds for these people. When they realize that God has other plans for me (as in not with them), I hurt knowing they are back at square one. Now, dont get me wrong, I am not flirting with them, but the fact that a GUY is TALKING to them warms their souls. For this reason, it would be ten times better to not get married. Marriage is a carnal thing, yet my soul wants someone to experience things with. IDK, I just wish I could just date these people and instantly leave their lives knowing that their confidence has been established. Solution here? Nope....let my heart continue to bleed and pour as much as I can into these girls I constantly see. I SO WISH they could find their confidence in God and forget about what the world thinks about them, but when you have grown up constantly thinking people are thinking negative things about how you look, HOW are you supposed to take that power away and focus on God. Clearly, the solution is God............How can I direct them to God and tell them they are beautiful and for them to really receive it that I am talking to each one specifically.

People don't live passionately, and when someone speaks with passion, it's usually not received well Because people don't know how to handle it....don't let this standard define you.

Today Jeremiah and I bought fishing licenses, and we went fishing. Here was the reward. Notice the singular adjective.

There will always be people who think they have a better plan, but at some point, we have to stand up for what we believe in. My goals are no different than yours.


Change is possible; it's as vital as breathing.

-both from The Mighty Macs Movie-

I am waiting for a funeral to begin, and let me make you laugh with the details....nobody its below the age of 45, everybody its talking about where they are taking their campers next, there is seriously a security camera over the body in case it gets stolen, and I feel out of place. :-)  you're welcome.

That sick feeling you get when the man leaving the bathroom you are entering has terrible hygiene and is smiling as wide as ever...

Gas station pump screen....RUDE.

Siting in court...warrant number two it for my arrest... =O

To choose to get to know somebody that is looking for an emotional attachment right from the get go is tiring. measures need to be implemented to be sure you remain saf,e and two, you don't spend r enough time with these people for them to survive efficiently by clinging onto you. I go as far as saying spend even less time them you do with your trustworthy friends. They need to knitter such durability Abe assurance its out there, yet out must be emotionally known that this strength can only come from God.

Usually these individuals get restless and back way off before they find the assurance. they have to understand they have the addiction in the first place.

To learn that balance without coming off as arrogant...

The joys of being a man include watching in awe as different guys try new things never before thought of. The watching man grows inspired as to what cool new things he can bounce off of that. Thus,  the fun, light-hearted challenge continues. Being a man is fun!

It also includes doing manly things. Learning how to fish,  hike, boat, climb, hunt, and just enjoy others in order to have a good time is what the core is about. Assimilating into the culture of what men do, and out of joy, learning to do it well. This association grows as each task is accomplished.

The question then presents itself, in todays culture, is it possible to learn these associations through google and YouTube? Is a man able to understand and desire manly associations without actual male physical contact? This answer is still being concluded...

Desperately seeking a heart after you.

Spend time perfecting what is under my hood. Purge myself of inadequate feelings, animosity, guilt, and known sin and actions.

My grandmas sister has Parkinson's disease. They are relatively healthy minus getting shorter.

Talking with my grandma about Her sisters sagging breasts and their daughters saying they still have it as they dress their parents (putting on their bras because they can't do it)...most awkward conversation ever!

Don't be afraid to give trust where trust is due.

Do not play on someone's immaturity to gain an upper hand in issues.

Is true freedom what America has been missing for centuries. No that we have God out of everything, is this where destruction begins? Is it morally important to be enslaved to God for lack of a better term?

The art of determining to chase after a girl is a very mature thing to do. It is important that you actually acknowledge the chase; don't just be friends secretly thinking and hoping she will someday confess undying love feelings for you. Take whatever bravery you can conjure up and give concrete opportunities for you and her to slowly get to know each other. Be humble but calm/chill when asking her. Realize that the motion you are asking is purposely different, and acknowledge that you are still safe in yourself after asking her, even though it's different. Take out slow, enjoy her company, and be yourself. Keep your swagger.

If you are chill around your friends, work on feeling just as safe with her. Remember that we are rooting for you, not because we think you need someone; we are routing for you, so you can develop an extension. Together, you can change the world, and you feel the best friend you get to see every day be right by your side everyday.

The culture hides in the absent of light, so it makes sense why something so easy can become a rising anxiety when once is bring influenced by the wrong people. Don't allow yourself to cower; display the warrior within you you are being prepped and called to be. Be strong. Be bold. Make no excuses. Be direct.