Separation. Separation is what I have been missing. I have been combining everyone as one unit. The world. This unit has been too much, and I definitely haven't been able to see God as much as He is present. Because I am sounding like a basketcase, future postings will be shifted to another place, but I want to explain a few elements as I learn/relearn elements that are core to focusing on entirely the Lord.

Still, i'm flabbergasted I missed the trajectory by so far. I'm writing this up as being a 'only Gods timing reveling issue', and moving on. Do not dwell on the past.

Ok, so, prior to this season, I remember crying out to the Lord, "Father, you have shown me great things, but I need someone I can walk with on this path. I desperately need someone that I can share my feelings with, as well as what you have taught me." As time passed, this did not come. I continued to show as much unconditional love as was in me, hoping someone would be able to catch the Light, and the Lord would use these people as someone He would allow me to open to. This did not happen. For me to open up to someone, he/she would have to be in the Lord, focused on receiving direction as much as I was, and it had to be someone who would not just waver because of issues I was going through. Again, this did not come. My love was growing cold. (Maybe this was there, but for some reason, I didnt see it.) Remember, I cant open up to someone who sees only the anointing the Lord has put on me, for for some people, this is the glimpse of God they get, and this canNOT be tainted by my desires.

This void continued to increase, and I attempted to fill it with work/mission work. Yes, these strategies definitely worked, but if an emotion/feeling need does not get filled, you will begin to change....which is what I did.

My love grew cold. My love for people grew cold. As it became less about God and his unconditional love, it became more about my fleshly desires. ...which makes total sense.

When I get supremely busy, my extreme defense mechanism instantly takes all of my stresses and combines them into everything I can think of. Instead of viewing people in love, I began to view them as a combined anxiety the Lord wasnt giving me love for.

The Lord and I made a commitment that we would be together through anything, and he is taking me out and restabilizing me. I have changed who I was in the past. Yes, I still have the head knowledge, but the love knowledge has changed. Only feeling that unconditional love of someone meeting me where I was and allowing me to express that head knowledge and feelings could breathe new air into my soul. It is like an old machine that has died in the 80's being refilled a tiny bit and coming back to life. The journey has again started...

I know that in the past I never felt the Lord's acceptance of me telling others what He has taught me. I wonder if the source of fresh air will go away by His doing. And if it does, how long will I last?

Unconditional love is the base upon what I base my soul and spirit on. This is the facet that I need to be the person God has called me to be. Using this base, I encounter people on a daily basis. I need to see where individuals are, talk with them about things that are important to them, and then once they leave, return to unconditional love. People will come and go, but the unconditional love will always remain.

Note that I did not see any of these shutdown/giving up actions within me until unconditional love was once again shown to me for restabilization.